So I found an interesting blog this morning called The Connoisseurs who claim to be the Expert Judges of Sports, Life, Love, Sex, Pop Culture & The Good Life. I am always a little weary of self proclaimed experts lol, but it seems like a fun blog so I gave it a look. The article that brought me there was posted on a friends facebook and was titled “The Glorification of Sluts”… Intrigued I read on and felt my head nodding along as I went. I won’t give you the play by play of what was in there, instead I will encourage you to go read it because it is a great post but I will say this… We all need to change, because otherwise we are gonna wake up and be 45, living alone in an efficiency and wondering what happened (it’s already happening to a few in the generation ahead of us because they are now panicking and trying to wife up 25+ year olds). If you want to be bachelor/bachelorette for life then more power to you… but then be up front about that both with yourself and those you chose to interact with but don’t expect or assume others to always be on the same page.
The article asked “When did we start glorifying sluts?” and I responded:
Amen to that… I think it started when Kim Kardashian became famous… I mean I don’t blame her for the downfall of society nor do I hate her, she took her lemons and made lemonade. However, when you can build an entire empire from a sex tape, that says a lot about our culture. The message has trickled down loud in clear when you have Montana Fishburne’s daughter trying to become and actress by making a sex tape. Your dad is Lawrence Fishburne, if you can’t figure out how to use that to become an actress, without taking off your clothes, then you need to rethink your strategy.
I will take a step further and say it happened when Superhead because a NYTimes Best Selling Author and when television aired a show called “Basketball Wives” that followed former girlfriends, dancers and ex-wives (and maybe one or two current wives) around basketball. It happened when we all started gathering around to watch Steve J disrespect a woman he claims he loves and is the mother of his children with side piece that he knocked up as well. It happened when we kept the Jersey Shore on the air for what is it, 4 seasons now?? It happened and we contributed to it at each turn. We watched with unblinking eyes and dropped jaws at the train wreck that was tweet, facebook and text about as it airs each week.
In my few years on this earth I have seen and heard quite a few things when it comes to men and dating and sometimes it shocks me the things that guys think they can say to a woman and I am not easily shocked. I have had men get mad at me for not putting out when we just met, or attempt to suck my face off on a first day. Courting is dead and it’s kind of tragic.
True Story: I actually met a dude at a concert recently and we hit it off and were chatting and seemed to have a lot in common. We exchanged numbers and talked about going to dinner. We went our separate ways, occasionally seeing each other in the crowd and smiling. Fast forward to the after party, we run into each other again and he has made another friend which is no big deal since we just met. We all hang out, the girl is fairly new and looking to make friends so we start chatting and the bar is closing down. She invites us over to have a drink and has her bike with her which he hops on. As he rides ahead she says, you guys seem to have chemistry and I don’t want to get between so if yall want to go home together that’s cool. I express that I do like him but that we just met and I don’t want to take him home this soon (I know crazy right). So at this point (in my mind at least) we are establishing a friendship and have also now had the chat about this guy.
Fast forward to shortly later in her apartment when all of a sudden they are like let’s get you a cab home, he leaves his things there making it abundantly clear that he is staying and the girl basically tells me to take a hint and go home (yeah that right there is why I don’t have many female friends and she was off the list as quickly as she was almost on it). Fine I’m not one to block, do you… but what really blew my mind was as I was getting in the cab, he says he’ll call me about dinner this week. I’m sorry what??
Now don’t get me wrong, we all “get our life” as my friend puts it, however no one wants to blatantly know that they are sloppy seconds to some chick you just met. People often tell you exactly who they are shortly but we choose to ignore what they say. If I went to dinner with this guy or dated him and got burned (in any meaning of the word) than I would only have myself to blame.
What I am trying to say is that I’m not ready to be a wife and a mom tomorrow but I would like it one day. If that scares you away, then fine, I’m sure there is someone else out there that wants what I want and will treat me how I deserve to be treated and I am willing to wait to find them.